wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
