My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
love makes seman taste better
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
