When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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