"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
