i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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