so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
