My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wish my penis had a tongue
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
