I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
