a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
