anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
