I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
