I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
