the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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