dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
