Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
