Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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