Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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