i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
