he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
