just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
