i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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