NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
