i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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