I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
