I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
