So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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