Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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