so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
