My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
