M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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