i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
