I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
