i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
