i used baking grease as lip gloss
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
