but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
