I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
