OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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