I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
