he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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