It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
