if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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