She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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