We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
