Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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