I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
