come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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