I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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