what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
