Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
