I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
